Whether it is possible to write of these events sensibly, without sounding completely in need of some additional forced rest is another matter entirely. Perhaps that is the lesson. To share honestly, without fear of the reaction of friends, family, society.
The masks we wear, no longer serviceable. The life we lead, no longer fulfilling. The “calling”, whatever that really means, insistent, loud, completely unclear, scary and rearing in the near distance. Close. Way too close.
Are we ever really prepared?
On my eventual return to the world of work, a discussion with one of the company owners, made me realise, probably for the first time, how unprepared we really are. For the big things.
Death. Fear not, I’m well away from grasping that cold, hoary hand again. Yet, I’ve known, for as long as I can remember, the guise in which he will come. The recent bout of illness was but a tasting.
So: I mentioned to my boss, in passing, how the forthcoming “round of tests” were but a frustration, if not a complete waste of time and money, as, irrespective of the outcome they were unlikely to affect the manner of my eventual passing. If the results were to dictate some course of devastating treatment, the outcome would be the same.
The look of horror was worth an entire encyclopedia. The thought of dying is so anathema to his everyday persona, that such “flippancy” just seemed to make it all the more horrifying. He seemed genuinely disturbed by the idea that medical intervention could only hope to extend life, never maintain it indefinitely.
Have we really become so removed from nature that the very processes central to its effective operation, those which we cannot hope to avoid, are taboo?
We hear it, here in the UK at least, all the time. “The new treatment announced today will eliminate 10,000 deaths.” Erm, no, it won’t. They may be deferred, but Death holds the receipts and He fully expects the goods to arrive… eventually.
So, after forty days of wilderness, what is there to be said?
Life is short. Never take your health for granted. Embrace life, with all its challenges, and live it!
(Whatever it may bring).